Censoring Bears In The Name Of All That Is Muslim

Well, we've lost. I thought maybe there was a chance this wouldn't happen, but it did and we lost. So close, too. So very close. What's that? Oh, yeah. The South Park guys were going to have Muhammad in their episode this week, but the network censored it, presumably because they were afraid that the Muslim extremists would come unglued (like they always do) and end up killing someone over it (like they always want to do).

Here's the scoop: According to an article over at the LA Times, "...after an ominous threat from a radical Muslim website, the network that airs the program (South Park) bleeped out all references to the prophet Muhammad in the second of two episodes set to feature the holy figure dressed in a bear costume." Wait. In a bear costume? You can't have Muhammad in a bear costume? Are you kidding me?

Whether you can or you can't probably isn't the issue. But what became the issue is that over at something called revolutionmuslim.com (a site which seems to have since been taken down), the following had been posted: "We have to warn Matt and Trey that what they are doing is stupid and they will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh for airing this show." A photo of Van Gogh's body lying in the street was included with the original posting. "This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them." Uh-huh. I see. So they censored the...bear? The bear. OK. What the hell?

In the same article, it explains that Matt and Trey did not agree with the decision to censor the episode (a position which I can't help but to admire the heck out of). It says that they "...clearly disagreed with their bosses' handling of the situation. A statement posted on their website said that executives "made a determination to alter the episode" without their approval and that the usual wrap-up speech from one character didn't mention Muhammad "but it got bleeped too." Great. What a bunch of wusses.

Now, look, am I saying that I would want to be the first one in American media to just come right out and mock Mohammad? Uh, no. I don't think I would. But depending on my position, I just might. Here's the thing: We can't bow down to extremist Muslims. We can't. We can't compromise our own freedom of speech because extremist Muslims issue vague death threats which they could probably find some nutjob to carry out for them. We can't be afraid of them. But that doesn't change the fact that the executives at Comedy Central are clearly very afraid of them.

When you censor something like that in this country (or anywhere, for that matter, but I'm just saying) all it does it make it so that it's easier for it to happen again. So, now, the next time that something is made fun of that a particular group doesn't like, are we going to hear death threats over it? OK, that's probably a bad example to use because the answer is most likely NO. But the answer will increasingly be "YES" when it comes to making fun of the Muslim religion. It's not like this is the first time that this has happened. And, unfortunately, it's unlikely to be the last.

You know what would have been great? What would have been great is if this threat (and it was a threat) had been made and then all that is American media (or media in general, I'm not going to be particular about it) had just saturated all of their shows and papers and magazines with references and depictions of Muhammad. Just have it everywhere. One big show of solidarity. That's what would have been great. But instead what we got was a cartoon of a bear that allegedly had Muhammad inside of it censored. Sure. That makes a lot of sense. We're doomed.

Happy Easter From Super Chicken

Happy Easter from Super Chicken and a rather felonious Easter Bunny. (Jay Ward was the greatest.)

Cartoons That Really Take Things Down a Notch

From what I can tell, the Internet is good for a couple of things. I don't know what all of them are, but I know that one of them is porn. Porn. Porn. Oh, did I mention the porn? Yeah, there's porn on the Internet. All sorts of porn. There's porn that I didn't know existed. That's right. Little known porn. Obscure porn. Hidden porn. Need I go on? Good. Because I'm here to talk about a particular type of porn and a particular person that became ensnared in it's yellow, toon-ish, porn-y ways.

Let's go down to Australia and see what Brisbane Times has to report. They're telling us that a one 28-year old and old enough to know better Kurt James Milner was "....handed a 12-month suspended prison sentence and is now a registered sex offender after pleading guilty in Ipswich District Court to having the bizarre images on his computer." Clearly porn, yes? Yes. Porn. And plenty of it. The only thing is that this porn is one of those "different" sorts of porn that I alluded to earlier. That's right. This would be cartoon porn. The Simpsons to be exact. Wait. What now?

Hold on, hold on. (That really wasn't intended to be a pun, but take it how you may.) Before we delve into the issue of cartoons being able to be porn-ed (if that's the correct term, I have no idea and I'm really just makin' stuff up right about now), let's take a gander at Mr. Milner first, shall we? Behold!

OK. That seems about right. Carry on! Where were we? Oh, right! The Simpsons. Yes, there is porn that involves those colorful yellow caricatures of a crudely drawn family from the geographically undefined town of Springfield, USA. Yes, I thought that it was a little weird myself. But apparently it's pretty prevalent on the Internet. (I have no idea if it's prevalent in other venues, those being not the Internet, and I'm not about to do any sort of research.) Oh, and it wasn't just The Simpsons, because that would be weird. No, it was The Simpsons, The Powerpuff Girls and The Incredibles. Um, yeah. OK. So, what now?

You got it. Simpsons, Powerpuffs and The Incredibles. (Really? Powerpuff Girls? But they're so small! What in the world would you want to see them...look, never mind. Sorry I went there. Please continue.) All in some sort of tangled, sexual positions. It's unclear as to whether they're engaging in inter-cartoon sexual shenanigans (because that might be strange). But what became a bit more clear to me is that this sort of thing is rather popular on the Internets. Don't believe me. Do a Google Images search for "Marge Simpson". Even better, do a Google Images search for "Marge".

Here's the thing: While I find this weird and all of that, I can't really say that I'm totally against it. I'm certainly not for it, but I don't think I'm against it. I mean, wouldn't it be better to have these guys (or girls, I suppose) that enjoy this sort of oddity to just enjoy it? I can't see really where it's hurting anything (other than the pure and wholesome imagery that cartoons are supposed to conjure up) and I also can't really see where it's hurting anyone.

Look, I'd prefer that all of these pervos out there who enjoy their porn so much just not enjoy it so much. But would I rather have this guy looking at images of The Simpsons characters doing it than I would have him look at pictures of little kids? Absolutely! The Simpsons screwing would win hands down, every day. (There's a sentence I never thought I'd write.) I have to say though that having this guy register as a sex offender for the rest of his life is a bit much, don't you think? They were cartoons, after all. How does that effect his day to day life? As a registered aficionado of cartoon porn? Is he allowed in to see Pixar movies? I'm thinking that would not be a wise thing to allow this sort of individual to participate in. Video games should be out as well. Lord knows we wouldn't want him fantasizing over Mario and Luigi in San Francisco or something. (They look kind of gay as it is.) Keep him out of the Disney store while we're at it. There's stuffed animals galore in those places! I doubt he'd be able to contain himself. Ooh! And the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! All of those big ol' balloon characters, bouncing around? Not to mention the fact that they're tethered, so it could invoke some sort of bondage fantasy. All I'm saying is that you can't be too careful and it sounds like a trigger if you're asking me! (And keep him away from Trigger, too. You know. Just to be safe.)

Huh. I appear to have strayed a bit from my original point...whatever it was. Oh, that's right. It is asinine for one to have to register as a sex offender simply because they enjoy watching cartoons do it. That was my point.