The Elusive Contracts Of Sarah Palin

So, Sarah Palin is scheduled to speak at Cal State Stanislaus in June. (Yes, there is a Cal State Stanislaus. I live in the freaking state and I had no idea.) The thing is that she was being awfully secretive about things like what she was getting paid. Normally, I wouldn't think much of it. After all, plenty of people have spoken at universities for commencement addresses or whatever and it doesn't necessarily mean that they're getting paid. But this whole dealio with Sarah Palin had gotten a little weird. Very secretive. It's like she's a CIA operative or something.

Now, rumor has it that she's getting somewhere in the neighborhood of $100,000 per speaking engagement. If you're unfamiliar with our currency system here in the US, that's a hell of a lot of money. It's a hell of a lot more money when you consider who she is and what she's receiving the money for. From what I can tell, she's a fairly hot hockey mom who has a folksy way of speaking that a certain group of people really like. And at the beginning, she really seemed to me like she could have gotten something along the lines of a third party all riled up. But then, I think what happened is she became acclimated to this faux rock star climate that circled her and decided to just rake the bucks instead.

Not only did she decide to command the pay of a rock star, she also decided that she needed some of the perks of a rock star. According to The Huffington Post and The San Jose Mercury News , a couple of CSU students recovered a bunch of documents from a campus dumpster the other day. Among those documents were six of the nine pages of Sarah Palin's contract rider for when she speaks. (For those unfamiliar with the term, a rider is basically one's list of "demands", though I think they would call them "requirements" in order for them to speak and/or perform.) Some of the things that she asks for have a rather elite feel to them. Personally, I find the whole thing outrageous and it's not because she's making a ridiculous amount of money on all of this. It's because people are PAYING her a ridiculous amount of money to do...something! I don't know what the something is. I don't know what the something is about. I don't know if the people who pay to listen to her speak know. I don't know if she knows.

She doesn't appear to be organizing anything. She doesn't appear to be gearing people up in any specific direction. She doesn't have a lot of facts on her side. She certainly doesn't have a lot of experience on her side. I can't tell who is guiding her and in which direction she is being pointed. It's just all very, very weird. Not as weird as some of the things that the requires in her contract, but still very weird.

Where to begin?

SATELLITE EVENTS: Customer agrees to provide a 2-way satellite broadcast. For Q&A, the questions are to be collected from the audience in advance, pre-screened and a designated representative (by Customer and approved by Speaker via WSB) shall ask questions directly of the speaker to avoid delay time with a roving microphone in the audience. (The WSB is the Washington Speaker's Bureau, by the way. I guess that's like her agent or her people or something.)

Well, that's convenient. It's a good thing that they're screening all questions in advance of them being asked. You know, to avoid a time delay. Uh-huh. That's it. Actually, I'm guessing it's to avoid an answer delay on Mrs. Palin's part, but they can call it what they want, I suppose. She does seem to have a difficult time with impromptu questions that she hasn't been prepped for. That Katie Couric question about what she reads really threw her for a loop. She wouldn't want to be unprepared like that again, I would imagine.

COMMERCIAL AIR: Customer shall be responsible for roundtrip, first class commercial air travel for two between Anchorage, Alaska and event city and full, unrestricted roundtrip coach airfare for two between event city and the lower 48 US States. At the Speaker's discretion, the departure/return city may vary for the first class airfare."

OK, so she wants to fly first class. I don't have a problem with that very much. I find it a little odd that she and whoever she travels with (I'm guessing Todd) get to go first class, but for her two handlers or whoever the other two are, coach is perfectly fine for them. All right, then. But what about when she doesn't fly commercial?

The private aircraft MUST BE a Lear 60 or larger (as defined by interior cabin space) for West Coast Events; or, a Hawker 800 or larger (as defined by interior cabin space) for East Coast Events and both are subject to the Speaker's approval. The Speaker reserves the right to change the flight plans at any time.

Now, it doesn't seem to specific when private aircraft would be used. But, given how it says that the "Speaker reserves the right to change the flight plans at any time", I'm guessing that it might be up to her if she wants a Learjet or not. The Lear holds up to 9 people and the Hawker holds up to 13 from what I can tell. Given as how she only needs 4 people to travel with her commercially, it would appear that this is just when she wants to show the fam this lovely country of ours and take them with her. That's pure speculation. That Sarah Palin can ask for a Learjet whenever she wants to is absolutely ludicrous to me. She wasn't even a governor for an entire two years!!

Customer agrees to provide the Speaker and traveling party with ground transportation in both originating city and event city. Transportation will be by SUV(s) from a professionally licensed and insured car service. lf SUV(s) are not available, black town cars may be substituted. WSB wrll arrange all of the Speaker's ground transportation. Only representatives of the Speaker or WSB are to meet the Speaker at the arriving/departing airport. In addition, for those events that do not take place at the hotel where the Speaker and traveling party are slaying, the cars and drivers will need to wait at the venue for the duration of the program.

So, she's expecting (and getting) an entourage similar to that of President Barry? What's with the black town cars may be substituted for the SUVs? Since when can you substitute an SUV with a black town car? Not often.

PRIVATE BUSINESS: The Speaker reserves the right to participate in private business including but not limited to book or political events during their visit. For any other event which is subject to media coverage, the Customer will be advised of such event. For international events, the Speaker also reserves the right to visit privately with the host government's Head of State, Head of Government, Ministerial-level officials, the U.S. Embassy and others as necessary. The Speaker reserves the right to accept the invitation of host government to overnight at an official residence.

Good to know that if the Queen comes calling while she's speaking in one of the lower 48 states that she'll be able to sit down with Her Majesty for a little chat as per her contract here. Is there a chance in hell of that happening? Seriously. If she's off speaking somewhere and there's some Head of Government from a foreign land, does she really think that they're going to want to meet with her? For what purpose? Amusement? (Vladmir Putin would have her for lunch. Then again, he's kind of an outdoorsy guy. Maybe they could bond over ripping the guts out of a deer or something.)

Presentation: Customer to provide a tall, wooden lectern with lip and fixed microphone in addition to a hand-held microphone. An overhead light, either from the ceiling above the lectern or a spotlight, directed at the Speaker's notes on the lectern is required along with a back-up lighting system for the lectern. Lighting should be at a comfortable, but appropriate, production- level for the Speaker to be able to see the full audience from the lectern/stage without interference. A spotlight directly on the Speaker should be avoided.

No spotlights directly on her. Just shine them on her notes. What about her hands? Should there be lights there so that she can read those notes as well?

Unopened bottled still water (2 bottles) and bendable straws are to be placed in or near the wooden lectern. A representative of WSB or the Speaker's party will open the water at an appropriate time prior to the Speaker's participation in the program. No Plexiglas or thin lecterns please. If Speaker is seated on-stage at a table customer to ensure that the table is skirted.

She doesn't even open her own water? I don't give a fat rat's ass about the skirted table. Skirt whatever you want. But for cryin' out loud, can't she open her own damn water? And what's with the bendy straws? Are we six? Oh, wait. Is it so she doesn't mess up all of that lipstick or something? I have no idea. It's a little odd if you're asking me. Most "regular people" (which is what she's selling herself to be) can open their own damn water.

And look, I know that there are plenty of people out there who have riders in their speaking or performing contracts. I get that. I find this absurd because it's Sarah Palin. She hasn't really done anything and I don't know what in the world she's doing...other than making a gazillion dollars off of a bunch of people who wouldn't be able to tell you what in the world she's doing either. (And a copy of these documents can be viewed here. Enjoy.)

Satire is Fine

It was only a matter of time before one of Sarah Palin's gaffes (moronic statements, asinine spoutings or whatever else you'd like to call them) came back to bite her in the proverbial arse. Such has happened with her claiming that Rush Limbaugh using the term "retard" was OK because it was "satire", but Rahm Emanuel using the term "retard" should be grounds for his firing. If you say that something is OK if it is satire, do you know what's going to happen? You're going to get a whole hell of a lot of satire, that is correct.

Enter The Family Guy and its creator, Seth MacFarlane. According to the huffy folks over there at The Huffington Post, last night's Family Guy episode had the dim and inept Chris out on a date with a character that could be said to resemble one with Down Syndrome. Aside from the cartoonish physical resemblance, there was also the character's assertion that her father was "...an accountant and my mom's the former governor of Alaska." Now, never mind that Sarah Palin's child with Down Syndrome is a male named Trig. This, after all, is satire. Thus, according to Sarah Palin herself, it's perfectly OK.

Sarah Palin has not yet come out and shrieked her disappointment or her dislike of this episode and the obvious reference to herself and her family. Give her time. After all, it took her over six months before she came out and said that Rahm Emanuel should be fired for saying "retard" back in August. She might be outraged, but she's not exactly the quickest runner off the blocks.

But let me explain why she might want to think twice about asserting that this episode mocks fun at those who have mental/intellectual disabilities. In this episode, Chris takes this girl, Ellen, on a date to a restaurant. Ellen has to remind him to pull out her chair for him after he rudely just sits down at the table and leaves her standing there.. Once seated, she has to practically explain to him what proper date etiquette consists of, ie, asking the girl things about herself. That's when he asks her what her parents do and that's when she gives the answer that could be interpreted to be referencing Sarah Palin. Mind you, there are lots of former governors of Alaska. (And I don't think that Todd, the former First Dude, was an accountant. I also don't think that we ever really did know what in the heck he actually did, either.)

The scenario described above does not indicate that there is any sort of mocking being done toward the individual with the Down Syndrome. In fact, it's quite the opposite. The episode could be interpreted to be saying that there is a lot that we can learn from folks with Down Syndrome. Clearly, Chris could, as Chris has an IQ that is slightly lower than that of my left shoe. On top of that, Chris really likes this girl. He had been wanting to tell her that he liked her for a long time. Had he and Stewie not gotten lost in that forest and thought they were going to die, he likely never would have avowed to tell her that he liked her if he made it out of the forest alive.

And at the end of the episode, after being told to do all night long, Chris finally snaps and says that he has heard his whole life that people with Down Syndrome are different than everyone else, but it turns out that they're just the same as everyone else! Now, isn't that the message that Sarah Palin wants folks to know? That they're just the same as everyone else? (Granted, in this episode, Ellen is somewhat of a bitch. But it's not like we all don't know a bunch of bitches in our life, right? See? So it's still not out of line!)

I don't know that she's going to come out and comment on this issue this time. I'm pretty sure that it would be in her best interest (or at least in her image's best interest) if she didn't. You can only take certain causes just so far when you're such an easy target as Sarah Palin. What with the Interwebs and Photoshop and everything, the potential for her own self sanctioned satire is enormous. I'm going to lay two-to-one odds that she doesn't comment on it. Besides, they never used the word "retard" and isn't that what she wanted in the first place? Looks like she got her wish. Granted, she never said anything about a half hour of animated teasing....

Rahm = Bad; Rush = Good

Yesterday I discussed Sarah Palin's belated and delayed reaction to the elf-life Rahm Emanuel's use of the term "effing retards" to describe a bunch of liberal groups who wanted to publicly attack those who would not go along with health care reform (as they seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that they would likely need these same members cooperation on matters other than health care in the future and publicly ostracizing them for their health care stance is not exactly a proven method for winning friends and influencing people). My conclusion was that I sort of saw her point, but since Rahm made the comment almost six months ago and in a private conversation none the less, that she needed to pipe down and go back to whatever it was that she was doing before she started doing all of the piping in the first place. What she really needs is to start receiving some sort of consistency schooling.

Look, I'm all for someone who takes a public stance on something. But being in the public eye is a tricky thing. You have to pick your battles and know when to fold them. (Or you have know when to hold them or something like that. I think I was mixing metaphors and country western songs there and it didn't work out so well.) Consistency is key. Not being ridiculous is also key. And not saying that something is not OK for one person to say but that it is perfectly fine for a different person to say is not going to go over very well at all.

See, it was brought to Mrs. Palin's attention that "Palin's fellow media star Rush Limbaugh has repeatedly used the word "retards" to describe those he disagrees with", that according to the undercooked folks over there at The Raw Story. Oooohhhh! Buuusssteeeedddddd!! Eh, not so fast.

Still according to The Raw Story, when Mrs. Palin appeared on Fox News Sunday and this subject was brought up and it was mentioned that it seemed as if she were criticizing Rush Limbaugh for his using of the word "retards". Now, I was a little puzzled by that line of questioning. I mean, obviously if Limbaugh used the term "retards" that she would obviously be criticizing him for that in the same manner that she criticized Rahm Emanuel for using the term "retards" and in the same manner that I would expect her to criticize anyone using the term "retards". But that's not exactly what she said she was doing. No, she instead decided to (wait for it) defend Rush Limbaugh's use of the term. Wait. She what now?

Correct. She defended him. In the context that Rush used the term, she said that "They are kooks, so I agree with Rush Limbaugh," Palin said, claiming Limbaugh was merely "using satire." Um, satire? How is calling a group of people that you disagree with "retards" and having that qualify as satire? No, see, satire is like when you're making fun of something in a manner that closely relates to the thing that you're making fun of. Like when Family Guy did a satire of Star Wars. Rush Limbaugh saying "retards" is nothing like Star Wars (though he is incredibly similar to Jabba the Hutt).

She continued along her line of inexplicable justification of Limbaugh's words by saying "I didn't hear Rush Limbaugh calling a group of people whom he did not agree with 'f-ing retards,' and we did know that Rahm Emanuel, as has been reported, did say that...There is a big difference there." There is? There is a big difference? I'm not so sure that there is. In fact, I know that there is not.

Let's take a gander at just what Limbaugh said, shall we? He said "Our political correct society is acting like some giant insult’s taken place by calling a bunch of people who are retards, retards. I mean these people, these liberal activists are kooks. They are looney tunes. And I’m not going to apologize for it, I’m just quoting Emanuel. It’s in the news. I think their big news is he’s out there calling Obama’s number one supporters f’ing retards. So now there’s going to be a meeting. There’s going to be a retard summit at the White House." Yeah, see, that's not satire.

And I'll admit, she could have almost gotten away with defending his use of the term right up until he got to the last sentence. By saying "There's going to be a retard summit at the White House" he has stepped out of the realm of paraphrasing and stepped into the realm of what Sarah Palin had deemed to be derogatory speech. Oh, but it's OK if a Republican blowhard like Limbaugh says it, but it's not OK if a Democrat elf like Rahm Emanuel says it? Spare me.

If Sarah Palin is going to lead the conservative movement anywhere besides into the ground, she's going to have to be a little more consistent. And if she can't be consistent, could she at least try to not sound like a moron when she's being inconsistent? Seriously, all eyes are on her. She is going to need to be at the top of her game and then some because any little flub or any little slip that she makes is going to be reported ten, twenty, thirty times more than it would be for anyone else. She HAS to pay more attention to what she is saying and how she says it otherwise she's going to take something that has semi-potential and decimate it to the point where nothing is ever going to get done and it's going to be status quo for the rest of our pathetic lives.

Go Away, Sarah Palin

It's a sad thing when fame or perceived fame goes straight to a person's head. It's especially sad when it goes to a person's head and by the time it gets there, it is completely distorted. Such is the case with a one Sarah Palin.

For full disclosure, I liked Sarah Palin. Right up until a couple of weeks ago, I was fine with whatever it was that she was out there spouting. Granted, I didn't listen to a whole lot of it because I'm not overly convinced that she knows about anything that she's trying to talk about. And I'll also give you that she is simply lovely to look at. Don't get me wrong, I've seen hotter. Heck, I'm friends with hotter. But she is simply lovely to look at. But your looks can only get you so far. Once you and your looks both start camping out in Idiotville, I don't care what you look like. I'm done.

Here's the thing: Last week, the former barely half-term governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, got all hot and bothered over a comment that serial curser and current Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel had said. Apparently, Rahm was involved in a weekly strategy session that consisted of various liberal groups and some White House aides. What the group's plan was involved airing ads that went after those Democrats who weren't going along with the whole overhaul of health care dealio. Yep. That was their plan. To attack members of their own party because they disagreed with what was in the health care bill. Brilliant. And I'm not the only one who thought that way.

Apparently Rahm thought along similar lines, but instead of offering up a sarcastic "Brilliant" as I just did, he instead offered up a "F***ing retarded." He then went on to explain that alienating people whose votes you will and do ultimately need is not a good idea. Duh.

Sarah Palin gets wind of that and flips out. According to an article over there at the New York Post, Mrs. Palin took to Facebook to write a note that basically chastised Rahm for his use of the word "retarded". She characterized it as being in the same category as if he had used the N-word. I don't know if I'd go quite that far with it. And I realize that her hyper-sensitivity to the term likely stems from her having a son who has Down Syndrome. But the term and the comment both were not directed at her son or at anyone who has organic developmental challenges. It just wasn't. It was directed at people who were acting like birdbrains.

For some reason, Rahm felt the need to apologize and, of all things, to call up the head of the Special Olympics and apologize to him for making the comment that he did. Why was that? I don't know what the Special Olympics has to do with anything. I also don't know why he's apologizing for something that was said in private and wasn't meant in a derogatory manner toward anyone other than the ones that it was directed at. I have no idea why he apologized to the head of the Special Olympics, but I guess it would have looked bad for him to not apologize at all. Then again, he did make the comment last year. Wait. He...he....he what now?

Correct. That comment that he made that Sarah Palin got her waders in a knot over was made in August. Are you kidding me?! Come on! There has got to be a statute of limitations on when you can freak out over something that someone said. And in this case, being as how it was a private conversation that wasn't in the press or anything, I'm thinking that statute ran out about five minutes after the conversation was over back in August of 2009! You can be just now complaining about it, Sarah! Come on now! You might not like it, but you don't get to chastise the man for something he said six months ago during a conversation in which you're only hearing about the contents of thirdhand at best! If you're going to start picking apart what people are saying, you're really going to have to do it at the time it was said. After six minutes it loses a little bit of it's steam, so you can imagine how ridiculous you sound bringing it up after six months, right?

She might be really surprised to learn what every single person in this country says when they are speaking privately with other human beings. It ain't pretty, I'll tell you that. But what she's failing to miss here (and I'm going to leave Rahm Emanuel out of this part of the discussion) is that the use of the term "retarded" in situations such as the one it was used in have absolutely nothing to do with folks who may, at one time, have been considered to be labeled as such.

If I use the term "retarded' in a manner as did Rahm (and I do, by the way), I am in no way maligning those with developmental challenges. When I see someone with Down Syndrome or any other sort of developmental and/or mental disability, I don't think of them as retarded. I just don't. At one point in my life, I'm sure that I would have. But it has been drilled successfully into everyone's head that the term "retarded" is not acceptable anymore to describe those people. (And I'm not meaning the term "those people" to be derogatory either, so just back off!) Thus, they're not thought of that way by people. But for some reason, Sarah Palin hears the word "retarded" used and she automatically thinks that people are making fun of people with mental challenges. Not so. Not so at all (in most cases).

The use of the term "retarded" in the way that Rahm Emanuel used it is not meant as anything derogatory toward people with mental challenges. Sarah Palin needs to remember that she is not the savior of this country. She needs to remember that it is not her job to chastise this administration or any administration. If she wants to get her grass roots thing all rooted and grassy and up and going, I support that idea one hundred percent. But she isn't going to gain enough credibility which a large enough group of people that will enable her to accomplish anything of meaning (other than a huge paycheck for herself) if she continues along this sanctimonious line of faux offense through various interpersonal conversations of which she had nothing to do with.

I didn't think I'd be saying this so soon, but I'd really like to just see Sarah Palin go away. Oh, and if she could take that tool of an almost-son-in-law-who-knocked-up-her-daughter Levi Johnston with her, I would be doubly appreciative.

Let Me Point Something Out

This whole ordeal with the Christmas Crotchfire Bomber is really starting to bug me. Aside from the fact that it seems as if no one is going to lose their job, the rhetoric that President Barry is throwing around is laughable. He says that he doesn't want any finger pointing, but yet that he wants people to be held accountable. I don't know how you're going to be able to hold someone accountable if you don't at least point a little bit in their direction. A point. A head nod. Maybe you shuffle one of your feet in their direction like you're Mr. Ed with some sort of nervous twitch or something. I don't know. But I do know that you're going to have to single out who or what it was that failed the system that was in place and you're not going to be able to do that without a little pointing of one form or another.

But President Barry is adamant that there will be no finger pointing. Um, yeah, good luck with that. First of all, from what I can tell, President Barry does plenty of finger pointing himself. Here's the President and his finger now! Oh! And what are they doing?! That's right! Pointing! Behold!

And look, here he is pointing again!

And again!

And again!

He's even got his wife doing it (sort of)!

Man, for someone who doesn't want there to be any finger pointing, he sure is coming off looking like the guy who invented it or something. And it's not just him. I didn't realize how much finger pointing there was in politics until I started looking around after hearing the "no finger pointing" rule that has apparently been implemented whenever there is a such a major screw up that there shouldn't be anything other than finger pointing. Let me just tell you this: There are a lot of fingers being pointed all over Washington, DC. As you saw above, President Barry? Quite a prolific finger pointer. His Vice President? Ol' What's His Name? Jim? John? Joe! (Dammit! I'm going to get that on the first try one of these days! Joe!) He points! Behold!

Nancy Pelosi, third in line for the Presidency of the United States if something extremely tragic happens (mostly tragic because something would have happened to the first two guys and not to her, as I see her as desirably expendable). A pointer!

What about Hillary Clinton? A pointer? I think so! Behold!

And if Hill's a pointer, what about Bill? I think he might be! Let's find out!

Oh. Unfortunate. Got anything else? Anything post the Lewinsky era?

Oh. Yeah, that does seem post that whole affair-while-in-office incident. Still not quite was I was looking for (but I'm guessing he sported that pose a lot). One more try.

All right! All right! That's enough. Look, he points, all right?! My point is he points! Bill Clinton points! For cryin' out loud....

We've got other folks that made it closer to the White House than Hillary did that are pointers. Old Man McCain. He points!

Well, he tries to point. The point is that he's trying! And his running mate, the former barely half term Governor of Alaska, Mrs. Sarah Palin. She points.

God bless Tina Fey. That Russia joke just never gets old, does it?

There's pointing (sort of) from President Barry's Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel.

Robert Gibbs, Press Secretary, a notorious pointer.

Barney Frank, that Senator from Massachusetts who looks and talks like a cartoon dog. (What kind of a dog? Probably a pointer, yes, that would be funny.)

Even ol' G.W. was known to point from time to time.

The point is (pun probably intended, but I'm not proud of it or anything) that for a guy (President Barry) who doesn't want to do any finger pointing, there sure is an awful lot of it going on. Maybe it's because they're all just pointing the fingers at themselves that he's not very fond of it. Whatever the reason, please get over it and please start firing people. And President Barry, if you need me to get in touch with a reasonable substitute for Mr. Ed that can lift a hoof in the general direction of who needs to be fired, let me know. Just point in my direction and I'll get right on that.